Monday, May 2, 2011

waiting game

I feel like I am waiting for everything right now. I am waiting to finish this year and finish high school. I am waiting for something really bad to happen. I am waiting for something really good to happen. I am waiting to get my hair cut. I am waiting to move. I am waiting to earn enough money to buy a new lens. I am waiting to met someone. I am waiting to forget someone. I am waiting for new books. I am waiting for answers.

There's something so frustrating about waiting. I've never been a patient person and all this waiting is eating away at my nerves. I wonder if there will ever be a point when I feel like I am not waiting for something. A point when I actually feel like I'm out of the waiting room and finally exploring the other side. Waiting is almost a distraction in itself. You're distracting yourself from whatever you want or don't want by thinking about all the time up towards that moment. Most of the time you don't even know when what you're waiting for is going to happen and therefore distracting yourself gets harder and harder.

Away from all that hypothetical thinking- in a more literal sense.. I am really sick of waiting at parties. Due to having a brother that basically dj's every party I go to and myself occassionally getting paid to photograph various parties.. I seem to never have the ability or opportuinity to leave a party early. This Friday Jack, Red and I were waiting to go till around 4 am in the morning. That's a long wait. The only way I can distract myself towards the end of a party is to just look around and watch all the strange exchanges and situations that occur at the end of parties. I have become a bit of a people-waiting-party-pro and I can pretty much predict a party start to end these days. We arrive early which means after we set up we have a solid fifteen minutes of awkward waiting time when the silence is eerily evident and more so the emptiness of whatever the venue. This is only more heightened when you know in a mere thirty minutes time it's going to have the opposite atmosphere. Then you have the first hour of the party when everyone shy's away from the dance floor other than those couple of girls that hit the pre's hard and that one guy who has the self confidence and ego to try grind on those two or three girls no matter how empty the dance floor is. Second hour in you get a couple of people, now safe and intoxicated under their safety blanket of vodka and cheap wine, that will venture out of the dark corners of clustered chairs and awkwardly start bumping to the music. Third hour in all of a sudden everyone wants their picture and everyone is suddenly 5 times more drunk and 5 times more careless. I sometimes theorise that it isn't the alcohol that brings on this mood change, as much as the now ticking clock that each person has to socialize before the last hour. That last hour is when the worst of everyone is brought out. The last hour is when impulsiveness hits a peak and there is inappropriate hook ups and feel ups left right and centre, boys high on testosterone taking off the shirts and starting fights and most commonly people vomiting and passing out not so subtly near bushes and behind houses.

There is a form of comfort in the known and at least when you experience a party from start till that last minute when people are groaning and abusing us to turn the music back on (but secretly relieved that the night's over and they aren't passed out or vomiting.. unless you are in which case you're in no state to argue about the music) you do get to know that pattern pretty well and at least can feel relatively psychic when it goes in order.

This post has been full of ramblings and early morning theories and so I will leave you to continue waiting on whatever you are waiting for. Hopefully I've distracted you for a solid five minutes.

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